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Bitch Session
"If strength were all, tiger would not fear scorpion" - Charlie Chan
Be strong lady, when shit goes down we need a competent mind.
Bitch. Ho. Know your role. Don't rock the boat. Get back in line.
Sure, it's a man's world - but don't let that stop you
Just know that anything you try, I'll make sure to top you.
You're my sister - natural strength and wisdom is your forte'
But Ima get a second opinion from 'him' if that's okay.
You're a fierce warrior - people need you on their side!
Why you defending him chickenhead? You must be fuckin him right?
You've achieved so much; you're the cream of the crop.
So how many dicks DID you suck to get to the top?
You've got the golden touch - your drive and ambition are up to par.
Pushy bitch. Who the fuck do you think you are?
It's so nice to see a deserving woman achieving success
Damn, you have nice tits. I'll bet you look hot in a short, tight dress.
So you've got a Masters and graduated at the top of your class?
I'll bet that heifer doesn't know her head from her ass.
Great work! We're promoting you! One catch though: there's no raise in pay
Don't get upset over this - we know PMS can make you that way
So what if our music is about bitches and ho's? It's all cool.
We're responsible - we send our own daughters to private school.
"I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried anything, I'd be like HEY! YOU GET YOUR BITCH ASS BACK IN THE KITCHEN, AND MAKE ME SOME PIE!" ~ Cartman, South Park
Frankly, I'm tired of apologizing for being a strong person - and even more tired of having to explain that I'm not one-dimensional. I desire, I love, I laugh, I cry, I get angry - fuck that - I get pissed the fuck off. Because I project an outward toughness, it doesn't mean I don't have feelings - nor does it mean that I'm trying to protect anything. If I cry tomorrow it certainly doesn't mean I was putting on a front yesterday, and it doesn't mean I have PMS. If I smile at you it doesn't necessarily mean that you amused me. No, I don't want to smile to make you feel more at ease, and yes I'm having a great day. Oh I'm sorry, is it my turn to make sure you feel cozy?
We, as women, have multiple roles in life - just as men do - but sometimes boundaries and limitations are so much a part of our mindset that we perpetuate our own failures. Much like the 'invisible fence' a farmer uses to keep cows in a pasture without making his property look cluttered, mental and emotional abuse can keep a woman in check without anyone having to lay a hand on her. We often hear about these 'invisible' abuses as something that happens at home - but the co-dependency can carry on into every aspect of our daily lives. We become guilt-ridden people pleasers to a fault - we want to speak up, but we don't want people to think badly of what we have to say. We have great ideas, but don't want anyone to think we're being pushy - or God forbid they think our idea is stupid. We criticize other women who have the guts to take the reins, but we won't back them if the shit hits the fan. It's so much easier to go with the flow. It's a man's world. You can't win child.
How many industries are there where a woman can be a business barracuda and still retain her femininity? Women in management positions got their asses kissed when they are in the room (sickening) but when they leave, the words 'bitch', 'fem-nazi', 'pms', and 'power trip' are thrown about freely - even more so by other women. Men get their fair share of rolled eyes behind the back, but we all know that it's not the same. A man gives you a direct answer to a question, he's authoritative and knows his shit - direct and to the point. A woman gives you a direct answer, she's an insensitive bitch who was short with you. Unapproachable.
I took to quietly studying the passive-aggressive behaviors toward women in managerial positions, and have found that most of the hateful comments stem from women who were flat-out jealous and/or had low self esteem - yet the women saying these nasty things would accuse the boss of having the low self esteem for bossing them around. Never mind that she's getting paid to be the boss. To me, this is an example of how people tend to project their own feelings of inadequacy on others. After all, it's generally so much easier to complain about your lot in life - your choices - your lack of ambition - than to be happy for another person's success, or to at least respect it. Much of people's unhappiness stems from them NOT making decisions - leaving them feeling out of control of their own destiny. Certainly, there are people who abuse their power - but many of the women getting flack are not deserving of it.
But really, just who does that bitch think she is anyway?
For men, problems with intelligent and/or what they perceive to be 'powerful' women can often revolve around their own issues with women in their lives - mothers, girlfriends, wives, etc. Sometimes a man can feel intimidated or put off by a woman telling him what to do at work if she's his boss, or can feel insulted by a woman questioning his authority if he's the boss. That's not to say that another man can't make him feel insecure as well, but a man will be more likely to confront a woman when his feelings are hurt.
We cannot point our fingers at men for all of our challenges in life though. We give men all the fuel they need to keep us in check. We provide our own 'invisible fence' - and we give them the bitch remote control.
You stupid bitch? You stupid bitch? You stupid bitch? Mickey, that's what my father used to call me! I thought you'd be a little more creative than that! ~ Mallory, Natural Born Killers
Even as often as I've used the word 'bitch', I still find it funny that women will refer to each other as bitches over anything and everything. The other woman is a stuck-up bitch for being prettier, a lucky bitch for having a man, a prude bitch for acting like she doesn't want a man, a stingy bitch for not sharing information with you, a smart-ass bitch for telling it like it is, a bitch-on-wheels for being ambitious, a dumb bitch for not doing well enough in life, an empowered bitch for 'being in total control of herself'. We have been virtually brainwashed into embracing the word both as a term of hate and a term of endearment. It's supposed to be okay that every TV show in prime time has the word bitch flowing freely from characters' lips. It's supposed to be okay that a great majority of rap music on the radio is unedited - filling the airwaves with 'bitch', 'ho' and 'ass' when referring to women. Female emcees call themselves and each other bitches. It's the new millennium; we can't shelter our children from reality. Lighten up. Don't be such an uptight bitch.
I also find it somewhat amusing that when we refer to men as bitches we are calling them weak, whiny and emasculated. When we refer to women as bitches we are saying they are too strong, too aggressive, or just plain out of pocket. No matter how you dissect it, there is no beauty in the word bitch. I refuse to embrace it. I refuse to make it a part of who I am. If you can't think of something better to describe me as a person, then I have no reason to listen to what you have to say. Bitch.
"When guys are persistent, it's romantic, they make movies about that. If it's a woman, then they cast Glenn Close." ~ Ally McBeal
Nowadays people have taken to labeling aggressive or assertive women as 'unhappy', 'undersexed', or will even have the audacity to question a woman's sexual orientation based upon her strength of character. Back to the point of people projecting their own insecurities on to others - it is so much easier to twist things around and blame others for our own feelings of inadequacy.
I was never afraid to go for what I wanted - and my mother always encouraged me to be assertive - yet I was told time and time again by teachers, employers and well-meaning friends that I needed to be patient and wait for things to happen. Not to be so pushy - to wait for my 'time'. So I waited - and my time just never seemed to come. I tried to mold myself to the politically correct ways that women around me said worked best - which usually translated to the archaic theory: a lady in the parlor and a whore in the bedroom. No matter how much I tried to fit into the passive-aggressive catty girl society, it just never felt right. I always felt guilty for having a different opinion, or was made to feel rude for having something to say that wasn't popular.
Eventually I became the tigress - the hellcat - the woman who isn't afraid to speak her mind even if others call her a bitch. But I still won't embrace the word. Call me strong, loving, difficult, complicated, simple, irritated, assholic, exuberant, enthusiastic, edgy, demanding, fierce, divine, ambitious, ruthless, merciful, spiteful, cunning, crafty, intelligent, creative, or any other wonderful adjective that comes to mind. Good and bad - I am all those things and none at all. I am woman, hear me roar - and if I hurt your feelings in the process then maybe it's up to you to cuddle your own kitten. It's a jungle out here and I'm ready to explore. If you want to come along with me, lick your wounds and join the safari. You'll find that once you get past the initial shock of crossing through that horrid invisible fence, the only one who has been limiting your potential in life is that bitch in you.
